3 psychological reasons why some people should have their own way

What is the psychological explanation for a person who wants everyone to agree with him? originally appeared on Quora: the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.

Reply by dr. Abbie Maroño, PhD in Psychology and Analysis of Human Behavior, at Quora:

The desire for everyone to agree with them may stem from a complex interplay of psychological factors, including the need for validation, fear of conflict, and underlying insecurities. While this behavior may be superficially related to narcissism, such a leap to extremes oversimplifies human behavior and ignores the personal experiences, coping mechanisms, and situational contexts that shape it.

Let’s take a brief look at some of the psychological factors that may be at work.

Need for Validation

Humans are fundamentally social beings, driven by a fundamental need to belong. The desire for agreement may stem from a need for validation—a psychological mechanism to affirm one’s beliefs, decisions, or sense of self-worth. Approval from others can be felt as a form of social approval, reducing anxiety about failure or rejection. This is especially true for individuals with low self-esteem or past experiences of devaluation, as they may equate disagreement with criticism or rejection.

Conflict Avoidance

For some, the desire for universal agreement reflects a deep concern with conflict. People who grew up in environments where disagreement led to negative consequences, such as emotional withdrawal or aggression, may develop an aversion to dissent. In such cases, the deal feels safer and less threatening, even if it comes at the cost of suppressing authentic discussions. This coping mechanism is often a reflection of personal history rather than a character flaw.

Misrepresentation as narcissism

It is tempting to label individuals with this behavior as narcissistic, since narcissism is associated with an exaggerated need for admiration and control over the opinions of others. However, the narcissism assumption overlooks other possibilities, such as context and coping strategies. For example, a person recovering from a traumatic experience may seek agreement as a way to rebuild a sense of control and stability in their life. Similarly, cultural or situational factors may play a role, as some environments reward conformity and agreement over individuality and debate.

Context and personal experiences matter

Behavior like this cannot be fully understood without considering the individual’s personal context. For example:

• Past trauma or rejection: Individuals who have experienced frequent invalidation may seek agreement in order to feel emotionally secure.
• High risk situations: In certain contexts, such as professional settings, individuals may seek agreement to avoid the risks associated with disagreement or to maintain harmony.
• Cultural influences: Social norms in collectivist cultures often value consensus over confrontation, influencing this behavior.

Ignoring these nuances in favor of extreme labels such as narcissism risks dehumanizing the individual and not appreciating the complexity of his behavior.

Wanting everyone to agree with them is not inherently narcissistic, but is often a multifaceted response rooted in psychological needs, personal history, and environmental factors. While such behavior may occasionally be consistent with narcissistic traits, it is essential to avoid jumping to extremes in labeling and instead consider how personal experiences, coping mechanisms, and situational contexts influence this behavior.

This question originally appeared on Quora – the place to gain and share knowledge, empowering people to learn from others and better understand the world.